this is where the nothing happens

um

2004-06-22T18:11:24Z

well... since i'm actually writing in it, in case y'didn't know, this LJ is dead, but the blogging action lives on right here.

don't see The Matrix: Reloaded

2003-05-15T23:44:02Z

just don't. do yourself a favor.
i saw it at the Mall Of America (yes, the one with the killer rollercoaster) and it was one of the crappiest movies ever. bad bad bad.

i'm in Lincoln Nebraska now... yup...

rockcity

2003-05-10T07:11:58Z

i'm in detroit right now. one of many cities that i am passing thru for the first time ever. tonite there is a couch that i FIT on, which is quite exciting.

the last 3 days were supposed to have been spent in canada, but the canadians didn't want our band (or specifically, our drummer) in their country, so instead we got to spend some extra time in Boston which was nice.

it's thundering and lightening outside

tour is going well. i've met some new friends and seen some old ones and most of the shows have been really fun and, against all odds, the van is still running.

and now, less than 2 weeks left amazing how fast it's gone.

god bless nyquil

2003-04-10T21:11:37Z

i'm sick. i'm at work right now, but since... Sunday at about 6:30PM i have been in bed almost all the time. today i feel a "little" better. not a lot tho. i hate it. i missed the Bright Eyes / Arab Strap show tuesday night... which really sucks. so yeah... that's my complaining.
recording tomorrow... which should be cool if i'm not deathly ill... leaving for tour a week from tomorrow which i'm extremely excited about.
before the sick... we played a couple shows... Santa Cruz and Gilman. i was sick by Gilman tho... so that was awful. i felt like i was going to fall over on stage... i probably got everyone at the show sick too since i spent most of the night standing directly below the heating vent... which i'm sure shot my germs all over the venue... although, to some degree when you go to gilman you're taking your health into your own hands anyway.

there's so much to be done in the next week... and to add to that stress of course, we're having a party at my house the night before we leave... which could potentially be a lot of fun... or just a source of additional stress...

all of my frienda across the country are asking me where we're playing and stuff... and i don't know anything really yet... but when i do... you'll know.

carefulkid @ 2003-03-28T18:24:00

2003-03-29T02:30:50Z

ok. so as usual i'm writing this at work. as usual it's been awhile. i went to popscene last night... which is officially "ok" because everything else on thursday nights *cougharrowbarcough* totally sucks major ass. and i drank a lot of alchohol and danced and had a good time and... lotsa friends there. friends i wish i saw more. good times...
right now there's a contemporary sould singer named Goapele peforming "live on the amoeba stage"... she's actually pretty decent as far as that sort of thing goes... but i just didn't have it in me. my tummy is unhappy about last night...
i think tonight molly and i are going to watch more of My So Called Life on DVD and fall asleep early.

it looks like i'm going to Japan after all. that's pretty exciting. right now i'm just super stoked on leaving for US tour in less than a month.

blah blah blah. i wish i was done with work now but i'm not.

and another day just glides on by

2003-03-13T23:51:41Z

sorry that i never update this thing. every time i read a mike barron entry i feel like i should tell a crazy story about my life. there isn't one tho.
my roomate robin told me that if i close the bathroom (not toilet) door too hard, i will be locked in. this scares the living shit out of me every morning.
this is one of the many quirks i've discovered about my new house. i have come to realize just how different it is to live in an OLD house. Note that this isn't a complaint. it just takes some getting used to. you have to learn which door knobs come off when you pull too hard, but once you do, you're set.

i told molly last night that my room feels like my room now, but the house does not yet feel like home.

i never ever ever see my roomates. i see robin actually... with some frequency. she's a Camel girl which means she is close to 100% nocturnal. She's out of bed and showering at about 7PM and sometimes i hear her come home at around 5:30AM. It also means that every wednesday night i leave my ID out on the counter and in the morning i pick it up along with a carton of cigarettes which i then, as a non smoker, distribute to various friends. i feel sortuv guilty... but at the same time, i'm still sort of fucking the company. i guess flushing them or something would be more subversive, but at least i'm saving my friends a few bucks.
my other roomates are NEVER home. i've seen Persephone exactly ONCE since i moved in. and Leanne only a little more.

but i am living in a home without the internet, and without TV. it's pretty insane.

gearing up for Funeral Diner tour. i'm realllly excited... we leave mid april and return mid may. sorta-full details at www.funeraldiner.com

anyway... once again i'm at work not working. so i'd better end this here.

nothing nothing nothing

2003-02-24T22:35:13Z

i'm at work of course, not having the internet at home. today i'm not going to work very hard. i am going to do what is expected of me and that is all. i think i seriously must have the most posh position in this store tho. sipping mountain dew and eating chex mix while i browse my friends' livejournals while answering the occasional call for my vacationing boss and i'm GETTING PAID (albeit not a ton). I think i understand what all those rich fucks who took over the mission were doing at their dot com jobs that they lost. Anyway... since i'm blessed with a chunk of free time... might as well edit the last few weeks down to a few sentences. Moving is in full effect. It's a horrendous bitch and my new room is going to be a squeeze but the house is fucking wonderful. I just want it to be over. I'm trying to calculate my expense because as it stands, I'm going to be strapped for cash pretty hard over the next 6 months. mostly cuz i'm going on tour a bunch. I'm contemplating NOT GETTING DSL at my new house.... which hurts... man it hurts... but i'd have to cover it myself and that's 50 bucks a month i could use. f'reals. Plus... despite the fact that I love the internet like it's a third parent, I realize how much time i wasted on it. And my obsession with not wasting my life away has gotten more and more intense. Y'know that scene in Fight Club where he's talking about how we're all raised and conditioned to believe that we're all going to be famous rock star rich guys even though we're not? That scene depresses the hell out of me. Because... i can talk about my plans for the future, but at the end of the day... dude is right. I have a deeply rooted notion that I'm going to be a crazy famous rock star socialite rich guy... and it scares the hell out of me that one day i might have to accept the fact that the dream is over. So I can't waste my time. There just isn't enough. And well... right now i'm wasting it writing in a livejournal, but i guess i'm at work so it's not THAT wasted. I mean... I realize how unrealistic a notion it is. But at least when i'm old and i know that i'll never be a rock star, i want to be able to look back and say "i did a lot of shit and i didn't just sit around jerking it to internet porn and watching VH1... I tried"

ugh... that all just came out sounding fucking retarded.
oh well...

grrr

2003-02-15T01:59:22Z

i'm at work. this sucks soooo much (and is a little pathetic) that i'm at work writing in my livejournal and if tina (my boss(?)) comes back from lunch i'll have to just click close without posting. but this is my life without internet at home... i just speedread all of my friends entries and thought about comments i should make. instead i'm going to give the big UPDATE. i got a room. heather bailed on me to move in with her boyfriend (i say that without any vindictiveness... she was as nice as humanly possible about it). And then this girl I sorta know that i was talking to at Arrow Bar invited me to interview for a room in her amazing Victorian 4 bedroom... And I got it.... so I'm fucking stoked. $462 a month for a small room... but whatever... and it's like... 7 blocks from work... fucking great! So i can afford to go on tour and all that good stuff... such an amazing relief.... i'll be getting DSL at home as soon as I move at the end of the month.... anyway... music is good. I played my first show with Funeral Diner in the states... it went well... I'm reallly excited about tour. I'm taking Molly out for dinner tonight... it being valentines day and all. i made her a super cheese card today too.. The restaurant is the same dimly lit etheopian restaurant i went to with dana and kevin and dan hagen on my... 18th birthday? the same one i took... i think it was Patty... to.. for valentines day a few years ago...

i am a loser with no original ideas and less money.

gritting teeth

2003-02-04T09:26:09Z

i am stressed beyond belief about this whole moving thing. fucking curtis bailing on us totally wrecked it and now i can't look for a new house because i'm busy looking for a new roomate. and then jeff and his crew already found a place. i'm a little jealous baby.

fuuuuuuuck i want to not have to think about this.
and i'm listening to hippie rock right now. what have i become?

i'm deathly afraid that me going on tour in april is going to cause some serious problems regarding work. bad news.

funeral diner rocks over gilman friday. that should be fun/weird/different.

but i'm going on tour in april which is helluv exciting. dana, expect me in philly in early may.

sleep time now maybe.

the note on my car this morning... an exact transcript...

2003-01-31T09:57:32Z

1/29/03
Dear Sir,
At approx. 6:45pm your camary wagon backed into my parked car. There seems to be minor damage to my vehile. You should be more careful when parking your car... as you had nothing obstructing the front of your vehicle. I've recorded your license #.
(415) ***-****

how much does that suck?... i like TAPPED the guy.... and if he was in his car or watching it happen... why didn't he say anything THEN.... god dammit... i hate that shit... and i'm sure he's fishing for money... a recent post in mike's LJ can confirm that all auto related lawyers are slimey.

and curtis fully flaked on our new house....
grrr...

but i got into Cursive tonight despite it being VERY sold out.... and it was wonderful. i'm a creepy Tim Kasher stalker. i admit it.

sometimes i forget and your problems seem so unreal.

2003-01-29T10:44:00Z

yesterday i was s'posed to leave work and go to band practice in Half Moon Bay.
but i couldn't find the turn off.
which is ridiculous because i was there THE DAY BEFORE and two times before that... but then i was with people and i just drove until they said "turn here"
so i drove up and down highway 1 through Half Moon Bay and towns north of it.... trying to find it. i finally did... 2 hours late.
it was incredibly frustrating because...well... i have no direction sense... and it's become a joke how i have no idea where i am ever... which iis becoming more and more true. i get lost ALL the time... and it sucks. i have NO sense of direction and no memory for location. it's really horrible and occasionally really embarassing. and it sucks and there's very little to be done about it.
but then molly came over and brought soup and that made me feel better.

so funeral diner is officially moved into a practice space in SF so i won't have to drive to Half Moon Bay ever again anyway.

today i worked and then came home and ate and have been purging my cd's and records. i looked online at rental listings for apartments and it was discouraging. i hope we find a cool place. i guess we have a whole month to look... but it's scary.

i need money. i'm selling sooooooo many CD's which is actually not depressing but liberating... when you really need the money and you start realizing what you actually intend to listen to.... it's a good thing.

the third song on the new Cat Power is really great. really.

at the end of the month my internet is off and that scares me.
i should sleep now.

and so it begins.....

2003-01-27T09:19:20Z

today was weird.

first. i slept in. even tho i said i wasn't. and then at 1 we had a meeting of our "potential house"... which consists of me, heather, curtis, and jenny/sara (depending on what we find and cost).... this all went relatively well... sara not in attendence... things were discussed. calculations calculated. plans set into motion.

then. i went to work. late as the meeting began at 1. it was superbowl sunday which meant everyone waslistening to the superbowl and suddenly the 15 year old in the trenchcoat who hates the jocks at his school emerged in me. i can't help that i become confrontationally anti-athletics when people get really excited about something like football.

then. i left early for band practice with funeral diner. which was... alright. musically it went alright, but tension is running high between some of the diner-ers. just people who have been playing music together for that long..... it happens i guess......

so yeah.tomorrow. more work...more. more funeral diner.... tour plans in the works. US in april-may. for a month. coming soon to a city near you hopefully.

fighting is stupid and gross...

2003-01-25T11:04:11Z

...unless those involved are a couple of skinny hipster dudes that I kind of know at the Arrow Bar on a Thursday night. (in which case, it makes for fucking ace entertainment).

and then i had a busy day at work today. and then band practice with the as yet unnamed ben/kevin/andy/mike/sean experience.
kevin suggested "Children of Meth Mothers". I told him that it would be ok as a song name, but not a band name.

and so on. tomorrow is my dayoff which is a good thing. i need to clean. and i need to purge my records more.

from Jim Haynes' "cons of 2002":

"Too much parasitic, ironic art in supposedly avant garde communities."

everything is halfway broken

2003-01-22T06:46:57Z

mmm. it's been awhile.
i just got home from work to discover 7 messages on my answering machine. and then when i go to play the 7 messages... i discover the answering machine is broken. this coming the day after our phone was turned off briefly. the phone company accused us of fraud or something because the bill is delinquent and the person who's name it's in hasn't lived here for quite a while. a fine mess really.

oh... and our DSL provider is going under so that gets turned off soon. thank god i have a computer at work that i can use... but we're not going to bother getting a new provider because we're moving march 1st... which is a big cloud of stress looming on the horizon right now. if sara is reading this, call me.

but beyond that... things are pretty good. i started practicing with both my bands which has already improved my overall demeanor. too long without playing music with real people and i get in a pretty sour mood. everything seems better now... work, friends, girlfriend... and if i'm at band practice 4 or 5 nights a week i'll be stoked, because, although i enjoy going out and having a social life... it leaves me a bit unsatisfied.
so Funeral Diner is up and running again. (my U.S. debut is February 7th at Gilman), and they have big plans for touring. US, Japan, Europe... it's all happening.

and on top of that, the ongoing Ben & Kevin band seems to have established a new incarnation (a 3-guitar army no less!).

hopefully i'll keep the schedule conflicts to a minimum.... but i'm reallllly excited.

i'm considering selling off a huge chunk of records to afford music equipment.... i think i finally figured our my new years resolution, which is to focus more on MY music and less on other people's music.... and right now focus = money. so as soon as this whole March 1st moving thing is settled.... new equipment! word.

oh... and i cut off my afro.

the fix-it man has arrived...

2003-01-15T22:17:15Z

...and our garbage disposal shall work again!

my dentist is in berkeley. when i go to a dentist appointment, i reward myself afterwards with a trip to the record stores in berkeley. today i missed my appointment by 17 minutes and had to reschedule. i went to the record stores anyway, but it was less fun because i couldn't justify the superflous expediture as some sort of reward for dealing with the discomfort of dental examination.

today. i am going to cut all my hair off. i've been growing this ridiculous afro for quite some time now, and although it has it's perks, it's getting hard to deal with. peope aren't going to stare at me anymore. small children and the mentally handicapped aren't going to make funny comments within earshot of me. the shitpig hippies on haight street will be less inclined to offer me drugs (although not much less inclined). maybe i'll have to update the picture on my livejournal. or maybe not.

i'm really excited because sunday, what will likely be the final line-up of my new other band is going to practice for the first time. and on saturday i'm doing a little recording thing with funeral diner. i've been thinking a lot about the recording and i hope i don't come off as wanting too much input, being new to the band and all... but that's what they get.

molly's on her way over. we're gunna get me a haircut and maybe buy a new turntable needle! hooray!

i'm coming up for air

2003-01-12T00:09:11Z

i'm finding this whole livejournal thing... umm... feeling kinda useless. i dunno. maybe it just makes me realize how mundane my day to day existence might be. i guess... should i keep it up for a long time, i could look back and it would be cool. but i'm certainly not participating in the livejournal community. and there's like... 3 people.. maybe... who read this. whatever. it shall continue for now.

last night i went to dinner with molly, my parents, and grandma. some fancy restaurant with no vegetarian options (i got the ravioli without the ham that was s'posed to be on it.)
it was nice. it felt all ummm... "girlfriend meeting the parents" which sucked cuz i hate that kinda thing.
not that it went badly. molly's super sweet and i can't imagine anyone's parents not liking her.
it was nice. it was for my birthday plus i haven't seen my grandma since before tour so it was christmas as well.

in other news... my car window is finally fixed. i'm not going to chicago to see zwan. i still need a guitar.
the kevin/andy/ben experience is having our first full fledged practice with some possible candidates for bass and drums on sunday. i'm looking forward to that. i've been extra irritable lately which i'm sure has to do with having not played music with people for wayyyy too long.

today was my day off. in which i got the window fixed, did laundry, tidied my room up a bit. listened to records. blah blah blah blah

i just got the new medicine EP... it's been wayyyy long since they put out anything... there's a different girl now... bruce lee's daughter i guess... or something. it's hella good. that's all i'm sayin. http://www.bradlaner.com

and so on.

2003-01-08T21:25:32Z

last night i worked till 10 and then went to the Phone Booth for my birthday boozing. a good time. i got pretty trashed. the phone booth has free popcorn, some of which i saw again later that evening when i got home. i'm supposed to be getting estimates for the repair of my car's window right now, but i'm slacking cuz i don't really feel like leaving the house. it looks like me, jeff, and dan are going to chicago to see zwan at the end of the month, which is pretty exciting. it's also a financial drain, another one i don't need. i'm selling a shit load of CD's to pay for my plane ticket... which is fine. it's all stuff i don't realy need.

give me presents

2003-01-07T10:14:43Z

so... today i had 2 band meetings.... very weird.
the first was with funeral diner, the band i just joined... and the meeting was mostly about plans for touring (US, Europe, Japan, etc) and records coming out and all this very exciting stuff...
the second was with the as yet unnamed band featuring me, kevin, andy, and this guy mike that i, for all intents and purposes, met tonight for the first time. he was a nice guy and kevins says he's a good drummer... it's just weird over the course of a day dealing with a band that is trying to start from scratch, and then dealing with a band that has all this history and all this stuff in the works... sooo weird. anyway. umm...

today at work the WEA rep let me minidisc some zwan songs of a crazy promo sampler he got that's super copy protected against digital copying. soooo good. i'm excited.

it is officially my birthday right now.
23 years ago i was being born. rad.

readreadreading

2003-01-05T11:41:19Z

"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent."
- Calvin Coolidge

i don't really read books. i have them in my closet. a few scattered about my room. i'm sure friends who drop by occasionally think "my god, when is ben EVER going to finish that book" when in reality i haven't picked it up in months.
i realize this is horrible. that i could be experiencing the wonders of literature. but. well... i'm not.
i do read a tremendous amount of music journalism which is for the most part total shit. but i'm learning about art right? so it's still productive.
i just read the updates at the band Juno's website. their singer is one of my favorite writers that doesn't write books or magazines. he's great. i recommend it, although it's probably most interesting to those who are in bands and stuff. the quote at the beginning of this entry was also on that site and i liked that too.

i've spent an awful lot of time online today. a lot of unproductive time. the hardcore show / g'bye party tonight was alright. it felt more like a show than a g'bye party which is a shame.

http://www.bosski.com/juno/

(and they're a wonderful band too!)

oh well

2003-01-05T05:05:23Z

so it was sunny today. but that didn't stop me from sleeping until 2 and barely doing ANYTHING.
i made a horrible attempt at some improvised experimental music.
don't let that impressive group of words fool you.
it was ridiculous and bad.

party tonite. for erin's goodbye. in hunters point. hardcore bands. sounds like fun...(?)

tired / not tired

2003-01-04T08:59:53Z

my room is still eating me and i can't even bring myself to deal with cleaning and getting rid of stuff.

today i had an exceedingly uneventful day at work.
then kevin and i met mike at the beauty bar for a farewell drink. and then i came home and sat down at my computer.
that was pretty much my day and now it's almost 1am and i'd love... LOVE to get something else productive done, but i'm not sure i have it in me. tomorrow is my day off which hopefully will mean getting something done. y'know... i never have cared much about the weather, and i have always enjoyed overcast skies and cold, but i actually really hope it's sunny tomorrow. i think that would motivate me to do something besides sit at my computer reading about records. i wish i wrote like keith hrvatski does. he's way smart about music in a way that doesn't make anything seem over my head and that actually gets me excited about hearing new stuff.

maybe now i'll turn off my computer.

closing in on me

2003-01-03T10:16:10Z

i have a new bedside chest of drawers. the drawers are deep so i can keep 7"s in it. but now i have 2 bedside chests and only one side of my bed that isn't a wall. my room is slowing eating me i think. filling with stuff until i suffocate. it's horrible. today i saw cassie which was a good thing and a kick in the stomache all at the same time. i don't know how to deal with that really. it's hard to put into words, but there's something about her that fucks me up. it's not even as simple as an ex-girlfriend thing or whatever. i don't know.

new years came and went. a small party at davey and jaime's house. hung out with molly. a good night. erin barfed. andy sulked. everything you'd want in a new years. yesterday molly and i saw Adaptation which was really good. that's really all i did yesterday... but that's what happens when you sleep in way late.

i was supposed to go see eric spin at Blakes tonight. i feel shitty cuz i was in a band with the guy for quite a while and only went to see him dj like... once... but when mom and dad need to get picked up at the airport i really have no choice. oh well.

i'm getting tired and molly is supposedly still coming over. post-bar
i'm going to be a whole lot of no fun.

bring the noise

2002-12-31T10:56:15Z

how often do you go to a show where there are 5 bands, and you actually find ALL FIVE engaging, some even great? Not often sez me. but tonight was a rare exception. wow. one of the better shows i've seen in a long time. Captured by Robots opening (genius idea and technical feat makes up for poor songwriting and sometimes not so funny humor), followed by fucking Isis who totally destroyed, followed by Kid606 who tore shit up as only he does and who really does shine in a live environment, followed by The Melvins who i can't really deal with on CD but live manage to conjure up enough visceral rock energy to keep me entertained, followed by Maldoror (Mike Patton & Merzbow) who were soooooooooo good i can't even put into words. and then kid606 joining them in the encore... wow... Needless to say my ears are ringing (although i did wear earplugs like a little baby for most of the show) Anyway... i hate to gush, but gush i must. so good. ran into Ty there which was cool. her excitement over seeing Isis was rad. i like being around people who are reallllly excited about bands. like going to see U2 and even tho i'm not a huge U2 fan, watching an arena full of people going completely apeshit over a band just gives me goosebumps... maybe it's cuz i can relate.

so tomorrow is new years eve. not sure yet what to do. it completely snuck up on me. all i know is that i'll be with molly and probably erin. but who knows where....???

another year down. i'll be 23 in about a week. not much of a milestone i know, but still... it's been a good year. i feel like i accomplished things and haven't completely been a waste of flesh since finishing school.... i'll probably wax more on that later. so for now, it's time for sleep.

that's right... i wrote "visceral rock energy" and kept a straight face. seriously.

i was so right. and other things

2002-12-29T11:57:25Z

i slept in reallly late today. rain rain rain meant not doing anything on my list of things to do, except that i DID clean the kitchen (even swept and mopped!)
but other than that... i listened to records and sat in bed. good times.
tonite was me, erin, kevin, and dan smith going to the stork club to see Mercury and Cutlass Supreme.
it was really good. mercury especially... i miss seeing them and wish i had seen them more back when they played more than once a year. it was weird because it reminded me of my old band and it felt like the last 2 years or so never happened.

and then (without kevin) we went back to sf to arrow bar which was as crowded as it can be. danced with erin to justin timberlake which was way too much fun. and then off to amber and aleina's party. a brief detour for burritos was a major highlight of the evening. the party was silly crowded full of people who were wayyyy more fucked up than any of us were... sooooo we left quickly. not really missing out on much. the sf party crowd is only so entertaining for so long. next time i wont drive.

and work tomorrow. and the next day. and the next day. good times.
i really need to start playing music with people again. it's driving me crazy.

what am i doing?

2002-12-28T12:17:17Z

i drank two cans of mountain dew at 2AM (the second, simply to prove to heather and sean that i could chug another one). now it's 4ish and totally wired. talked to mike on aim and decided to jump on the flexible invasion of privacy bandwagon. so here it begins. i'll try my damndest not to talk like strangers care because that makes you sound like an asshole to your friends who are usually the ones reading to begin with. and a run on sentence. fragment. tomorrow is my day off and the productive things i SHOULD do include:
a) get estimates from several body shops regarding the cost of replacing the window in my car that was smashed last week (one guitar lost).
b) buy a new needle for my turntable.
c) clean some of the house.
d) put some things up for sale on ebay in order to help finance the possible late january trip to chicago.
e) make some music with my computer.

what will get done given the lack of sleeping i've been doing... is anyones guess.
my prediction is none of it will get done, i'll sleep in until mid-afternoon, getting out of bed only when hunger provokes. Tomorrow night will possibly be 2 different shows and a party. at least i'll be well rested for that.